My Personal Horror Film Festival, Part Two: The Quickening
My God. I knew going into this that horror movies were largely comprised of familiar tropes, I just didn't realize the magnitude of it. Do you know how many horror movies showcase the protagonist killing one of their companions in an act of friendly fire? Or how many horror movies end with one lone female survivor? Or how goddamned many horror movie villains are silent, masked figures?
I spent a good deal of the past week nursing a cold, which I combated with a regimen of cough drops, herbal tea, and movies meant to give me terrifying dreams. Here's what I've been up to, and my thoughts.
REC: A fine example of the found footage genre. A Spanish film, so you'll have to be willing to deal with subtitles (reading, ugh). I won't say much about it, as it had been spoiled for me, and I imagine is best seen when going in blind. Basically, a two man crew working for what appears to be a shitty public access TV show stumbles upon a pretty big story while covering local fire fighters. 8/10 video cameras.
Cujo: A neutered adaptation of the Stephen King novel (pun very much intended). Fails to capture any of the tension, the frights, or even anything remotely interesting that was in the book (which I would recommend, were it not for the fact that reading is for nerds). To top it all off, they sanitized the ending to make it more palatable to a general audience. I give it 2/10 Saint Bernards.
Inside: A French film (ewww, more subtitles) about a young widowed woman about to give birth. It has several satisfyingly creepy moments, but occasionally lapses into ridiculousness and features a villain that's a little less than believable and a reveal that's eye roll-inducing. 6/10 blood-streaked pairs of scissors.
Martyrs: Another French film (What is this, a list of movie reviews or a goddamned book club?) which starts out as a revenge story before making a hard turn and becoming something quite different. Without giving too much away, it's essentially what "Hostel" could have been if it had been written and directed by a competent filmmaker. I'll give it 9/10 pairs of shackles.
The Strangers: An immensely forgettable film about a home invasion. A young couple going through relationship problems that I didn't give a fuck about is terrorized by masked assailants that weren't scary. Liv Tyler's performance was annoying at best and grating at worst. If I were forced to say something nice about the movie, it's that i featured what was probably the best use of Merle Haggard's "Mama Tried" in a horror movie soundtrack. 3/10 religious tracts.
Videodrome: James Woods plays an employee at a sleazy TV station, which plays soft core porn and violent content at night. He gets mixed up in something when he makes the decision to start airing something which turns out to be a snuff film. It's a little artsy, which could be off-putting, but if you stick with it it pays off with an interesting story and some bitching practical effects. 7/10 beta cassettes.
It Follows: A story about an evil force which is passed from victim to victim by sexual content (so, basically, AIDS?). It never gets gory or gratuitous (at least, not to a large degree), but slowly builds tension as the film progresses and maintains a creepy, nightmare-like atmosphere throughout. 8/10 swimming pools.
That's it for this week. As we get closer and closer to the spookiest night of the year, I'm getting more and more fixated on trying to find the perfect horror movie. So check back in next week to see if I've found it.
